it's been a while

i know i've been missed but so much has been going on. for the past 2 months or so, it's back to the routine of looking forward to weekends, and dreading the arrival of monday mornings... 6.30am always comes too quickly, the MRT is always too packed, and to cure my boredom, i always end up staring at lovey dovey couples on the train and wonder what will happen to them in a few years time...

my temp contract ends on the 26th of this month... 2 days ago i was told by my boss (from Dept 1) that they r not planning to extend my contract... cos i dun look smiley and approachable enough for the job, poor job fit i was told, my working style did not fit in a big org, and boss' boss heard i got an attitude problem (i wasnt told until 2 days ago, means i dun even have chance to explain myself)... *huh?? wat the fish!?* i wonder... i know i have an attitude... mayb it's a problem to some people... point taken, i nid to b more humble, but attitude problem? someone hinted me there might b more than meets the eyes, i could have been the victim of some political scheme! hmmm...

and today i heard from my boss that despite the "attitude problem" i had, one of the bosses from dept 2 (whom i worked with for a coupla weeks) wants to ask if i'm interested in another temp position, cos coincidentally 1 of her staff is leaving. another temp contract with possibility of converting to perm - i m starting to think all this is a scam! - i cringe at that word - dont tell me that commitment-phobia has infected HR departments! imagine the emo rollercoaster i had gone thru the last few days. firstly being dealt with the blow that i have been rejected, and now it turns out a blessing in disguise...

in my 2 wk stint in dept 2 (which was my first 2 wks in my current company), i enjoyed the company of the colleagues and the guidance of that boss. she was forgiving and positive, direct but kind. i knew i had lots to learn from her. my stint was just until she found someone perm, and she did... so i had to go back to my orig portfolio reluctantly.

it all seems to fall in place (the hand of God perhaps?). my first 2 wks (which was arranged last minute) there that built my relationship with the boss of Dept 2, my own dept rejecting me cos of my alleged attitude problem, the other staff leaving Dept 2 leaving a vacancy jus when my contract with Dept 1 is ending, more importantly while Dept 1 mostly has staff functions that and in my opinion sits at the bottom of the foodchain, Dept 2 is a major department in the company - shd i wait for more signs? seems that all is timed perfectly already

so how? what m i to do with all this? i dunno, i'll probably go lunch with boss of dept 2 next wk and chat with her (something i nvr did with my current boss).

sighz... decisions decision...

incidentally (not indident!), my prayer for the past month is that God pursues me by being real to me. i dont wanna "imagine" or "interpret" his intervention in my life. I wanna see it so real that i cant deny it. i've been too passive all along, jus believing in that all things are in his plans... but i come to realise... that those who dont believe in anything - will end up believing everything...

so there, the challenge i proposed - n this new offer that come my way... coincidence?

when does reasonable doubt become skepticism? when does logic cross the line n starts to murder faith? hmmm